Dai Specs walks into the bar and says to Jibber: 'Can I have a
pint of Less, please?'
'I'm sorry sir,' says Jibber, 'I've not come across that one before. Is
it a spirit?'
'I've no idea,' replied Dai 'The thing is, I went to see my doctor last
week and he told me that I should drink less.'
Jibber is walking down the street when his mate Dai rides up
on a shiny new bicycle.
"Where did you get such a fantastic bike?" Jibber asks.
Dai replies: "Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw
the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what
you want.' So I did."
Jibbers thoughts?: "Good choice - I don't think the clothes would
Dave and his wife are dining in a plush restaurant, and he
keeps staring at an elderly drunken lady swigging gin as she
sits alone at a nearby table.
Finally his wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs Dave. "She's my ex-wife. She started drinking after
we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
"My God!" says his wife. "How could anyone go on celebrating
Dai rushes into a bar, orders the four most expensive
30-year-old single malts in the house and has Jibber line
them up in front of him. Then, without pausing, he quickly
downs each one.
'Phew,' Jib remarks, 'you seem to be in a hurry.' 'You
would be too if you had what I have,' Snifter replies. 'Why,
what do you have?' the Jibber asks sympathetically. 'Fifty
pence,' replied Dai.
Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they
goch, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the
town's name. They argued back and forth until they
stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter one asked
the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please
settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce
where we are... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the
counter and said, "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiiiing."
Before an important rugby match the English fans and the Welsh fans were travelling to Cardiff together. The English fans noticed that the Welsh boys had only one ticket for six of them. When the ticket inspector was coming, one of the Welsh boys turned to the English fans and said, “Watch and learn.”
The Welsh boys crammed themselves into the toilet. The inspector banged on the toilet door saying, “Ticket, please.”
The door opened slightly and just one hand, holding a ticket poked through the gap. The ticket inspector punched the ticket and went off happy.
After the game, which Wales won, they all met at the Cardiff Station. The English boysbought just one ticket and they were surprised when the Welsh boys didn’t buy a ticket atall. One of the Welsh boys turned to the English fans and said, “Watch and learn.”When they all got on the train, the English lads crammed themselves into the toilet.
Two minutes later one of the Welsh boys banged on the door and said, “Ticket, please.”
COWS AND POLITICS
BUREAUCRACY, EEC STYLE: You have two cows. The EEC takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
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